Love, hate, and marriage

My hubby-to-be and I have been engaged now for about three weeks. It's a lovely time in a way; getting engaged was so pleasant and easy, it just seemed the natural thing to do. In general I'm enjoying planning for our wedding, but I have some misgivings, hence the 'hate' in the title of this post, though hate is a bit of a strong word. I guess one thing that my future husband and I have in common is our distaste for being told what we have to do and we dislike the rampant commercialism of so many things. Living out in a sleepy little town in Wales we get away from a lot of that, which is a relief. Nevertheless, when it comes to things like weddings, it does manage to creep in a little. When I originally started planning, I was strongly resisting anything that might be expensive. I was outraged by the extra £600 it would cost to get married in the hotel where we're having our reception, as opposed to the registrar's office, but eventually I was sold on the idea. I figured I would find a dress at a charity shop or on eBay, create table decorations out of things found and foraged, and have various people we know take on all the necessary roles such as dj, photographer, and so on. Much of this may still happen, but it's such a pull against the current. For example, on the dress front, the more you look the more you see these amazing gowns. I hate to say it but it's a bit like the Sex in the City film where Carrie starts off wanting to have a really simple wedding but then she tries on all these fabulous gowns and everything changes. Well, I am very far away from that but I do want to look nice, and the temptation is there to splash out a bit... must resist!

Another thing that I am hating a bit is how self and body conscious this whole process is making me. As if I didn't feel fat already, there's nothing like trying on a white dress in your usual size only to find yourself absolutely busting out of it, in all the wrong places. Ugh. Then there's the suggestions (by my mother) that I should get a facial as it might help with acne, or maybe get facial hair removal etc. Great. I know moustaches on women are pretty awful, but I don't at all like the idea of someone ripping strips of wax off my delicate upper lip area. Sigh. I had a good close look in the mirror today and felt a bit worried. There's a part of me that wants to be defiant about all this and say no to all the fuss, refuse to cave in to the pressure to work on being prettier... but on the other hand... why am I so resistant? Maybe I could do with a little polishing up and tweaking and plucking and so on. Actually I know I could, I think I just hate facing the fact that I need a bit of work. Ugh. It's much nicer being oblivious to all the imperfections.

Anyway, it's my goal to turn this all into a positive experience. I want to start taking better care of myself, holistically. De-stressing, getting enough exercise, eating well, etc. It's a bit tricky at the moment since I busted my knee up two months ago and it's still not totally back to normal. I can't sit crossed-legged so yoga is pretty much out, though I might try anyway. Running is also out, my knee does weird wobbly things if I so much as jog a little. Swimming is ok but only frontcrawl, which I find more tiring than breaststroke. Might go for a swim now actually since I am totally not doing work at the moment. More about what I love/hate about wedding planning later.