In my last post, I considered the reaction we have to people who are "morbidly obese" as it is now termed. I figured that the reaction we sometimes have to watching someone who is so fat that they have difficulty moving is something like pity and stems from the fact that we are sort of programmed to enjoy seeing people happy and healthy, and people who are morbidly obese are often neither. Overeating is often a symptom of psychological distress. And besides that, being so large that most every day activities are very difficult cannot be pleasant. Now, I'm not saying it is right that we feel uncomfortable about this. I'm also NOT saying that people who are of a healthy weight are necessarily either happy or in control of their lives, indeed many are not. There are thin people and even very fit people who are unhappy or in other ways psychologically disturbed. So being of a healthy weight is only a start, but size is one of the first things we see when we look at someone, along with a myriad of other clues about them, their posture, their clothing, how they carry themselves (is it with pride? with confidence? with apology and shame?). We all read people like books, without even being aware of it much of the time. Likewise we are being read as well, and sometimes people like what they read and other times they don't. Just like books, the types of physical appearances that we find pleasing are often based on our culture and on what the art forms, and in our era, media such as television, films, advertising, magazines and so on tell us about what is considered to be beautiful. Many people speak against these forms of beauty that are presented to us, realizing that these are limited and limiting ideas, and ones which can often be harmful. When we are told again and again that thin is beautiful (regardless of health), we start to believe it. We only have to look back to artists such as Renoir to see that this idea of beauty is neither timeless nor universal. Nevertheless they are powerful and pervasive ideas. For all of us, not just those who are overweight, such images can be damaging to our self-esteem, and in another ironic vicious cycle, by being self-conscious and ashamed of how we look, we don the most unattractive look of all, that of apologetic shame, a stooped posture, a body hidden behind baggy unflattering clothes, a walk which is more a shuffle than a stride... I would argue that there is little that is more attractive than confidence, and little that is less attractive than its opposite. So whatever size and shape, whatever story you are, if you own that story it will be attractive. And on the other hand, no matter how naturally beautiful you may be, if you don't love yourself it will be hard for others to see your beauty because it will be hiding behind cringing self-denigration.
What made me really think about this was a recent experience at the university sports center. Every Wednesday at lunch time I play an energetic hour of badminton with a girlfriend. The uni sports center is a slightly different environment than the community center where my partner and I sometimes play in the evening, but as I've been enjoying my Wednesday games, on Friday last week I suggested to my partner that we play at uni instead. On the same day in the evening I also went to a "Zumba" class at the same place. Being academics, my partner and I ended up analyzing the gym environment and how various characteristics of it were geared towards a kind of exclusivity that could deter unfit people from partaking. Firstly, almost everyone in there is already very fit. Secondly, wherever you are in the gym, you are in full view of many other people. So much so that people can kind of lazily watch you from a number of different vantage points (even outside!). Thirdly, the showers are communal (though gender-segregated), and only in the women's shower room are there curtains you can pull across if you don't want to be totally on display. The end result of this is that if you are not already reasonably confident with your body, this is not exactly an inviting environment. During the Zumba class for example, in which all manner of strange moves were performed, there was an audience behind me, and one above. I was painfully conscious of my top hiking up and my belly rolls hanging over the top of my pants. A guy sitting on the floor behind me also had his mobile phone out for a very long time and I was having nightmares of a video emerging showing me in all my uncoordinated, flabby glory. I felt very uncomfortable, and though I was enjoying the music and the class, I felt so awkward that I couldn't fully get into it, until that is, I convinced myself through some mental exercise to let go and enjoy it, and to OWN the flab and be defiant about it. To just be myself and be unapologetic that I do not look like all the fitness fanatics that spend all their free time in the gym. Eventually, I managed to stop obsessing about my belly, and I let go and enjoyed myself, and it was great. I'll be going again this week.
The point of all this is simple. In my view, the number one first step towards making any kind of change in life (like losing weight and/or getting healthy) is to tell yourself to love yourself, just the way you are, and to keep repeating it to yourself, keep bolstering your own confidence, telling yourself to walk tall, to be proud, to OWN it, and to dance like no one's watching. Doing so gives you the courage that is necessary for getting through all the other steps, like the exercise classes! And all the many other steps on the path towards your ultimate goals, whatever they may be.
Hear Hear!!
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